The Badger: How to be a success in 140 characters or less

 
 

The Badger tells you how to be a success in 140 characters or less

This may come as a shock to some of you, but The Badger likes Twitter. If you follow the right person, or badger, Twitter can be an incredibly informative place. The Badger regularly sees things reported on Twitter by people with certain connections about an hour before Sky Sports News reports them as “breaking news” that has just come in to them.

If you want to make it look like you have an insider at a certain football club, just find the right Twitter account to follow, and you will find out all the transfer deals and match-day starting XI’s well before the mainstream media reports it.

But The Badger knows all too well how this can be abused. During the most recent transfer window, a series of Twitter accounts began to pop up, all claiming to be agents who are “ITK” (meaning “in the know”, for those of you not ITK about what ITK means).

These ITK accounts ruined the beautiful harmony of sports reporting on Twitter, flooding the rumour mill with so many baseless “reports” that it became an exhausting experience to filter through what was true and what was false. Some of these accounts began to gain a certain amount of credibility after some of their claims became reality.

Hilariously, as the transfer window drew to a close, and school started again, some of these accounts began to update less and less regularly. Eventually, many of the accounts claiming to be “ITK” came out with statements admitting to being a bored fourteen year-old, and thus restoring The Badger’s faith in the human race.

It has recently come to The Badger’s attention that a certain Liverpool “insider”, known as Duncan Jenkins, has not only been found out as a parody, but was blackmailed by Liverpool FC to stop posting.

The club that handled the Luis Suarez racism case with all the grace you’d expect of a drunken Scouser attempting ballet for the first time, actually threatened to ban a fan from Anfield for life and to ruin his father’s business for engaging in this speculation game.

Perhaps the best part of the entire exchange between Jen Chang, Liverpool’s director of communication, and the creator of Duncan was when Chang claimed “You know how crazy football fans are, you’ll have dog shit coming through your letterbox.”

So what was once England’s most respected club has managed to destroy its reputation in less than a year by vehemently defending a racist and threatening its own fans, but that’s the price you pay if you want top-quality superstars like Fabio Borini and Stewart Downing on your team.

By the way, there is still no word on whether or not Jen Chang has received any shit through his letterbox yet.

You can follow The Badger on Twitter @UO_Badger

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