The Badger

 
 

In his long-awaited return from summer obscurity, the Badger takes on footballing divas Henry Winter and Aiden McGeady

Aiden МcГиадй

Ever since the Badger was a young cub, he has dreamed of playing for Spartak Moscow. Krasno-belye, like 4-2-3-1, have been a lifelong passion of the Badger, and with their red and white shirts, depict the pinnacle of fashion in the Badger’s beady little eyes.

This has been an infatuation that has proved difficult to share with people from the Western block, until now. After years of living in isolation as a hermit, the Badger has finally found a person who shares his adoration for Spartak Moscow.

A person who doesn’t love the club for the billions of oil sourced Roubles and someone the Badger never thought he’d be able to relate to. Aiden McGeady, or МcГиадй if you will, with his deep Irish heritage, has become somewhat of an idol for the Badger.

Since his 368,490,025.33 Rouble move, МcГиадй has been thoroughly embracing the culture and has been spotted out and about Moscow being driven from training sessions to his house by his personal chauffeur. МcГиадй has also been rumoured to be sampling Russian cuisine prepared by his two personal chefs from Nandos and Greggs in Glasgow.

Some criticised his move, but the Badger would like to say “good luck” to his new BFF Mr. МcГиадй.

@HenryWinter

@HenryWinter was in the news last week in light of his first-ever reply to anyone on Twitter, and the Badger is not happy.

The Badger has had one encounter with @HenryWinter in the past. That fateful night in the Stade de France when Ireland rolled over to let France progress to the World Cup finals in South Africa was hardly the best venue to make first contact, but you could argue queuing for urinals wasn’t either.

So even while standing in line beside @HenryWinter, waiting to relieve all that free champagne scoffed before the game, the Badger failed to get a reply out of football’s equivalent of the Queen.

Starting with general conversation, the Badger went for an opening line of, “@HenryWinter What did you think of that ludicrous display?” No response, so the Badger attempted a light-hearted joke to break the dead air, “@HenryWinter It’s surprising the #French need to #use the toilet since their heads are located in their rear end”. Still, no response.

Craving his attention, the Badger went all out to claim a reply. “@HenryWinter, this is nonsense. The male toilets in #the press box should be larger. Let’s be honest, this is a profession for men. #Women can’t be sport journalists. They don’t need toilets.” By this time, @HenryWinter was already making use of the urinal and a chance of a lifetime was missed.

In light of this, you can understand how annoyed the Badger was last week when he was informed that a pathetic and futile tweet directed at @HenryWinter referring to the new national football centre in Burton got his attention.

4-3-2-1

Over the long summer, people seem to have forgotten one of the golden clichés of our beautiful game. “Football isn’t played on paper”, never has, and with the exception of the Badger playing out the 1978 European Cup final for kicks and giggles on an A3 sheet, never will be.

Everyone now seems to fancy themselves as a mini tactician and scoff when Sky Sports place Daniel Agger at right centre back instead of left. To these people, the Badger would like to say, “Get over yourselves”.

The progression of football from a chaotic positional mess to W-M formations, and then onto 4-4-2 is interesting. However, analysing a change from 4-2-3-1 to 4-3-2-1 by means of pass charts, heat positional sensors and a 1,500-word blog, is not.

Advertisements