The Badger

 
 

In this issue’s much-anticipated column, your furry friend, The Badger, expresses his dismay at some recent events in the world of sport

Last week The Badger read rumours in his favourite newspaper, The Irish Daily Set, that disturbed him greatly. The word on the street was that the European Football Governing Body (UEFA) were considering expanding the European Championships to include Brazil, Argentina, Mexico and Japan.

The Badger’s first thought was that John Delaney must have received an early Christmas promotion and stumbled into the role of UEFA President, because who else would come up with such a far-fetched and not-very-well-thought-through plan?

Don’t get The Badger wrong, he wants to see Shinji ‘play-a-maker’ Kagawa play more regularly than he is at the moment under new United manager Chris Moyles, but throwing Japan into the European Championships just to give him more game time seems a tad excessive.

The Badger thinks this rumour was concocted by someone with a very sick sense of humour, and he is thankful that UEFA have since denied the reports. The Badger is convinced that putting these four nations into the Euros would simply not work; much like putting ‘The Situation’ and his Jersey Shore mates into the Geordie Shore house in Newcastle wouldn’t work.

On a wholly unrelated note, the Badger noticed that Arsene Wenger wasn’t too pleased recently with the antics of one of his most-prized midfielders, Jack Wilshere, who was snapped smoking a cigarette outside a nightclub. Wenger says this sort of conduct isn’t professional and that it isn’t a great example to set for budding young sports stars of the future.

The Badger agrees profusely with Mr. Wenger’s opinion, and feels that if you are getting paid to kick around a pig’s bladder for 90 minutes, you should stay in the fittest shape possible to do so as well as one can.

The Badger is going to ring Mr. Wenger this week and tell him that if he wants Jack to stop chewing on those cancer sticks all he has to do is lock him up on UCD Campus, where The Badger’s sources tell him smoking may soon be a no-no.

Not much is known about The Badger, but he is willing to admit that he has a natural flair for golf. Perhaps it is the fact that the Badger’s first home was in the hole on the 16th green of his local course, but he had to eventually move out as the rent was way over par.

Some good news now and The Badger is aware that Tiger Woods recently helped the US clinch the President’s Cup, but that is not the reason the Badger is proud of the golfing great.

One female fan decided to get stark naked as Woods attempted to wrap up victory for the States, and he somehow managed to keep his composure. The Badger knows that the proud sex addict tends to get a tad excited at the sight of a pair of breasts, so The Badger is proud of his composed reaction.

Badger Out.

 

 

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