#Winning or #Binning

 
 

#Winning

Christmas Jumpers
Worn strictly in the ironic sense of course. The jumper must be vintage, circa 1990s sardonic Santa phase, worn whilst pushing a retro bike, en route to a vinyl flea market, accompanied by at least six Instagram uploads using the 1977 filter, for that old timey vibe. #soindividualithurts

Tissues
The best new accessory yet and revolutionary in design and functionality. Try using one, those sniffly snot mounds under your nose and the charming rhythmic snuffling that follows the snot are trés #binning #yeahimtalkingtoyou

Black tights
These are God’s brand new disciple on earth. Bang on underneath any summer dress or skirt and bish, bash, bosh; you’re #winning. N.B. Don’t you dare go near shorts with these bad boys, don’t mess with the system. #choochootiktikshorttrain

The Heating
So warm in fact it allows us to wear summer clothes inside and then winter clothes outside. Fascinating. It makes for interesting viewing as people exit the building, observe the t-shirt being adorned with a sheepskin coat, hat, scarf and waterproof trousers. #whoneedsasociallifewhenyouhavesomebinoculars

 

#Binning

Cowl necks
Boys, why? Why would you even put that thing over your head, and let that flappy bit of material just lie there? Whoever informed you that this was fashionable should rightfully be hung, drawn and quartered publicly. #kantevenstart

Last year’s cardigans
The wool bobbles from over-wearing and a whole year in the cupboard without mothballs are frankly offensive. #franklymisterShanklybuyyourselfanewjumper

 

 

Slovenly dress code
Ssrly, it’s bad and there is no sign of improvement ether. Plz for the sake of The Aesthetic stop dressing so shit. Although it’s cold and the assignments are eating away at your soul like a nasty strain of venereal disease, stop putting your hair in greasy, greasy, #greeeezy buns and wearing skaghag trackies, there is literally no excuse for this reckless behaviour. #sortyizlivesouvih #getoutohthelibraryandintoTopshop4Christsakes

Selfies
Selfies in any form should not be tolerated. Unless you don’t have a mirror and have a fear that your make-up is taking a trip in the southerly direction, or you’ve just eaten a protein shake and you worry some of the chemicals are stuck in your teeth, then don’t. #keeptheducksinthelakeplz

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