What's Hot, What's Not

 
 

Hot

Baby Bieber

Babay, babay, babay, oh no. America’s golden boy has been doused in hot water this week as twenty-year-old Maria Yeater claims he is the father of her four-month old son, Tristyn. According to Yeater, the pair did the sexy business in a backstage bathroom following one of Bieber’s shows. Awaiting the result of a “who da baby daddy?” paternity test, Yeater will face charges of slander if found to be lying, and the statutory rape of the then sixteen-year-old Bieber, if telling the truth. Hilarity ensues.

Domhnall Gleeson

Dublin-born actor Domhnall Gleeson is slowly emerging as Ireland’s brightest new star. With the release of Sensation, a gritty comedy which stars Gleeson as an introverted famer turned promiscuous pimp, the young actor is stepping out further from the shadow of his father… and Bill Weasley.

Lidl

It may not have a slogan, coherent staff or shelves, but Lidl saves many a student from malnourishment each year. With food at economy-damaging prices and packaging less soul-destroying than Tesco Value’s, Lidl is the best thing to come out of Germany since Tokyo Hotel. Mister Choc is the new Tayto.

Not


The Euro

Apparently Europe is going to end in a blaze of glory with the devastation of Greece and the Euro. However, the real problem at hand is the inflation of confectionery. Londis should know that Milky Ways are not equal in magnitude or quality to a Mars bar. Their market value should reflect this.

Angry Bus Drivers

Nothing makes the journey home from college on a smelly, packed bus more enjoyable than an angry bus driver. Your life choices are not my fault, so please refrain from shouting at me or the other equally disgruntled passengers. Not stopping at a bus stop because you don’t feel like it, shouting at old people that “There’s seats upstairs”, and not making eye contact when I ask you questions make you a bad person. I shall avenge thee.

Converse

The kings of retro kicks may be the hipsters’ crowning glory, but Converse plus rain equals wet socks. And as we all know, nothing in the world causes more discomfort than wet socks. As the season’s weather takes a turn for the worst, prepare to please your mammy, hang up your sodden Cons and buy a pair of sensible shoes. Be warned – no one will be aware of how cool you are without them.

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