10. Meryl Streep: The classic choice to start things off. The woman who can play anything or anyone – be it Margaret Thatcher or a bat-clad vigilante with dead parents. Her performance would be sure to bag an Oscar alongside sleepless nights for Christian Bale.
9. Grace Jones: Jones (cigarette in mouth for the entire duration of the film) would combat villains with ease as Batman. Get rid of all that armour so Batman can be a walking gun show, and have the movie end with the Joker being thrown into the surface of the sun. Additional bonus: Jones could compose the soundtrack.
8. Charles Dance: Batman has long been a figure of fear, as well as hope. Dance’s cold, sharp drawl will bring terror to the streets of Gotham. Menacing Thespian Batman does not brood, instead he glares down at the streets whilst drinking scotch from a skull.
7. 50 Cent: Who better to play Batman than a guy who was shot nine times and is still with us declaring bankruptcy to this very day? Put some more chrome on the Batmobile, and rotate the members of the G-Unit as Robin, and you got yourself a box-office smash.
6. Liam Neeson: Bruce Wayne is a man with many skeletons in his closet. Sounds like a job for Big Liam. Sorrowful and Haggard Irish Batman will clean up the streets one way or another, but whatever you do, just don’t ask about his dead parents, OK?
5. Philip Seymour Hoffman: Not even his own unfortunate passing can stop Seymour Hoffman from chewing the scenery as Batman. Cut out all that morality and brooding nonsense and just have Hoffman unleash 20 minute drunken monologues ending with him screaming at people on the phone like in Punch-Drunk Love.
4. Ronda Rousey: It’s commonly known that Batman doesn’t use weapons, but what if his weapon was to beat the holy hell out of people? The movie would only be about fifteen minutes long, as Former UFC Champion Batman chokes out the Joker before the end of the first act.
3. Benicio del Toro: If Christopher Nolan saw del Toro’s performance in last year’s Sicario, he would immediately send word to his new Batman. Incredibly Disturbing Batman would growl menacingly in your direction, and he’d probably start murdering people with a pistol.
2. Idris Elba: He may not ever get the chance to play James Bond, but Elba could set box-office records as the Batman. Get you a (Bat)man who can do both: suave and sophisticated businessman Bruce Wayne, alongside gruff Unshaven London Geezer Batman who insists on constantly wearing a long tweed coat for no reason.
1. Cate Blanchett: Cate Blanchett would bring some much needed grace into the cultured high-class life of Bruce Wayne. In between all that, Batman could get way into cross-fit as well as Jiu-Jitsu and learn how to kick people into oblivion, which is a talent Blanchett already possesses.
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