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What’s the point of crappy Christmas jumpers? Seán McGovern doesn’t know

Though it may be November, we are now obligated to talk about Christmas, because the ads tell us so. So, Christmas is here. Buy presents now. Buy them stupidly and recklessly. But what must be stressed is that when buying clothes for someone, please remember that jumpers with reindeer patterns can only be worn at one time of the year, and flannel pyjamas only worn in bed (and only ever alone. They are not sexy). (But they’re so snuggly – Ed).

rudolf-sweater-blackAt Christmas time, the reasoning behind our purchases just goes out the window. We smile politely as our relatives buy us things that we wouldn’t throw up on. “Socks! Again! Thanks, Aunty Gertrude!” This is where the caveat about buying presents really comes into play. The notion that it’s the thought that counts is the weakest excuse for buying and receiving utter tat, and was obviously coined by some miserly cheapskate. When buying a gift for someone, making a calculated decision about what they would appreciate makes the difference between a memorable present and fashioning a new dust rag out of Guiney’s best.

And don’t get me started on wicker; the demon weed that forms ridiculous baskets, stuffed full of shredded paper and housing two pathetic little bottles of body lotion, then shrink-wrapped in plastic… Nothing says Happy Christmas like like a wicker basket bath set. Environmental issues aside, Christmas means having a pile of excess rubbish lingering around your home. Chocolates might be one of the most impersonal presents you can possibly buy, but at least we’ll eat the damn things. Gift vouchers mean I can buy something I really like.

So this Christmas let’s not get tangled up in a mesh of emotions and tinsel, and realise that when the thought does count, it’s best to stick to something that will make us all happy. No amount of scarves, gloves or Christmas jumpers can do this. Let’s just all give each other money and everyone will be so much happier.

The comments presented in this article are those of the individual writer, and do not represent the opinions of The University Observer. We want presents.

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