Soapbox: Boards

 
 

Message Boards are out to get us says Catriona Laverty

I hate message boards.

I’m convinced that in 15,000 years when the aliens land to study our extinct civilisation, they’ll trace our ultimate downfall to message boards. They’ll discover fossils swathed in our own excrement hunched in front of computers, having just given up living becasue no one replied to our “how do I do this breathing thing??? LOL” thread.

No really, they will be our downfall.

Because the problem with message boards is that they attract all the lazy, stupid, vacuous people as well as the smart, street-savvy, normal people. Message boards allow the stupid people to never have to find something out for themselves. They perpetuate the society of laziness, ignorance and dependent thought we’ve been building for some years now, and it will kill us all dead.

You know the people I’m talking about, you know the ones. They’re always there, asking. Asking their crap questions like where is Stillorgan? Asking their facepalm questions like what is G.D.P (Grade Point Average)? Asking, always asking.

And they’ll never stop, not as long as there are kind, good people in the world. Because someone will alway feel sorry and just tell them the answer. Someday soon, no one will be able to do anything without consulting their message board, but the age old tradition of people finding out for them-fucking-selves will have been lost, and no one will hear their screams of how/why/am I pregnant?

They must be stopped. And I’m just going to say it, say what everyone else has been thinking. No, not sterilisation, it’s certainly a start but it won’t stamp out the problem. Execution.

It seems harsh now, but we must think of the benefits to humanity. Think of the hours you spend shouting at these people via computer keyboard, before deleting the message in case you get banned. Think of these people accidentally reproducing because no one replied to their thread about doing it standing up. If nothing else, think of the children. I mean, srsly.

No, we have to draw the line, and it has to be straight.

Help! can’t find Newman Building, have lecture in 5 mins!! :-0 Shot.

How many books can I borrow from the library interrobang Shot.

Is anyone here changed there mind about alishishea question mark question mark question mark exclaimation mark smiley face lol Hung, drawn, quartered then shot. Twice.

You know you’re thinking it too.

Aren’t you???

Advertisements