Soapbox

 
 

This issue, Catherine Maguire lets the world know what she thinks of folks walking at a dawdling pace in front of her

Most of us are busy people trying to get from A to B, so what is more annoying than people who just can’t hurry up? Imagine it; you have just woken up having slept through your alarm. You are in a rush to get to your tutorial on time. In a stupendous turn of events, after spending mere seconds in the shower and legging it out the door, you know that you are going to make it just in the nick of time. In effect, you feel slightly triumphant in light of this prospective success.

However, having entered UCD, you are suddenly obstructed by a pair of obnoxious, annoying, neon bints, who are intent on dragging their Uggs on the ground and inching towards their lecture at a leisurely pace. Unfortunately for you, time has not slowed down and no, you are not on some amusing hidden camera show. You have simply fallen victim to people who just won’t hurry the hell up.

These are no normal mortals. They don’t walk on one side of the corridor to let other people pass them. In fact, they walk in the middle of the hallway so that there’s no space on either side of them for you to slip by. There is not a snowball’s chance in hell that you could politely ask them to let you by, mainly because the sound of their own voices fills your ears with a high-pitched white noise.

Even trying to squeeze past these people will prove to be fruitless, so you are left with two options: you could politely/pointlessly ask them to let you pass, or you could tear them a new one. The latter would probably get you to where you are going quicker than the former.

Ultimately, this type of situation never turns out well for you, the hard-working individual trying to get something good out of your time at UCD. Instead, you end up ten minutes late for your seminar with a full rundown of what happened to Ailbhe, Siofra and Blathnaid last night in Coppers. So this is my message to you slow coaches: get out of my way before I flay you alive and use your blubber as car wax.

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