Soapbox

 
 

Like the contrarian fellow he is, George Morahan defends Rebecca Black’s right to decimate your ears.

Just leave Rebecca Black alone, alright. She may have not have any real talent or the ability to actually say the word Friday, but the girl is 13, leave her be.

Those out there saying she should cut herself and hoping she gets an eating disorder are just wasting minutes of their lives that they’ll never get back. I don’t think anything has ever been less worthy of the internet’s collective wrath. Of all the menial things to disturb the blogosphere from its orgy of porn and lolcats, it’s not a tsunami or the spelling of “Qguaadafee”, but a teen wannabe, whose ambitions overshoot her ability by a light year (or two).  And good on her, she wants her 15 minutes and who are we to deny her.

Even those who are set on her destruction are only playing into the girl’s favour. This whole “we don’t hate you because you’re famous; you’re famous because we hate you” attitude is completely self-defeating. At the time of writing, ‘Friday’ is inching towards 50 million views. Most of those have come from people who just need a laugh, but those who think it represents yet another milestone in the descent of western civilisation need to cheer up, she’ll be gone in a couple of weeks.

By complaining, you’re missing out on what makes ‘Friday’ so fun (fun fun fun) and only prolonging your misery until Charlie Sheen realises #tigerblood isn’t actually compatible with human arteries after all, thus stripping Ms Black of the spotlight.

The Rebecca Black phenomenon is also highlighting some of the nasty truths of the internet. YouTube has seemingly discarded one of our society’s founding traits. Our capacity to patronise kids is at an all-time low and frankly, we should be ashamed of ourselves. In years past, we would be content to give such daring children a condescending “well done”, a pat on the head (while brandishing our best grimace/smile) before quickly moving on.

Now it seems we are sadistically compelled to mock them at all costs. The least we could do is give the girl some constructive criticism, or highlight the few positive qualities her music has. I mean, I would have never thought to rhyme the word bowl with cereal, would you?

I admit I have indulged in dissecting the flaws of Rebecca’s lyrics as much as the next commenter, but I’m sure I have better things to do. Maybe instead of seething in anger or laughing our heads off, we should be alerting the authorities of the many children driving around in flash cars (and without seatbelts no less). Or maybe we should warn Rebecca’s parents about the rapping paedophile seen driving around in search of school buses. Either way, we should stop watching.

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