John Gallagher chokes up as the Otwo team attempts to break the world record of eating three crackers in less than 49 seconds.
WHAT DO YOU get when you have four malnourished UCD students and one extra large packet of Jacobs Cream Crackers? The answer is quite obvious really… it is of course a world record attempt to eat the most cream crackers in one minute.
It is the sort of thing that everyone presumes is ludicrously easy. Having said that, this task is far from simple. I set out, like a typical naive food fanatic, in the hope of smashing this record and getting my name printed in the Guinness Book of Records.
The record which stands is held by English sports agent, Ambrose Mendy. Having spent a good part of the Nineties in jail for fraud, Mendy had plenty of time to practice eating three crackers in less than a minute. In 2002 the fraudster easily beat the previous record by gobbling three Jacobs Cream Crackers in an impressive 49 seconds.
They say it is all about self-belief when it comes to breaking records, so I eagerly turned up the day before the contest was due to take place, ensuring that I meant business and believing that I would effortlessly fi t at least fi ve crackers into my ever-ready belly in less than one minute.
Like all promising record holders I had a plan of action as to how I should go about eating my cream crackers, only to be accused of cheating when I went to break my crackers in four.
After aborting my initial plan I was at a loss as to how best to ingest the bundle of crackers which sat stationary in front of me.
I looked to my right and I looked to my left. Either side of me fellow cracker crunchers were shovelling large chunks of the famous dry biscuit into their mouths. As seconds passed I decided that I couldn’t afford to waste any more time and like a true country savage I began stuffi ng my mouth with the dry and familiar snack that is the Jacobs Cream Cracker.
As I neared the end of my fi rst cracker, I realised this was not such an achievable goal after all. My mouth drained of saliva and oesophagus stopped functioning. By the time I had picked up cracker number two, thirtyfi ve seconds had already passed. My dreams of becoming a world record holder were beginning to fade.
Desperately I forced number three in my mouth but that is where this tale ends. My malnourished digestive system was unable to break down the crackers any further. Instead I was left chewing and chewing, minutes after time had lapsed.
Things could be worse though: as I went to write this article I came across a piece in New Zealand newspaper which claims that Singaporean native, Jeffery Koh, broke the record mentioned above by eating three crackers in an amazing 14.9 seconds.