Mixtape – Walk of Shame/Stride of Pride Anthems

 
 

Whether your night before contained the good, the bad, or even the ugly, Lorraine Haigney offers you the soundtrack to the morning after.

Katrina and the Waves – ‘Walking on Sunshine’

Your friends aren’t organised enough to send you a “Congratulations on Ending Your Dry Spell” card, but it doesn’t matter, you’ve got this one full blast to add some class to the situation. You’ve got reasonable taste in music and now, a healthy sex life. Well done.

Blondie – ‘Call Me’

You’re barely out of the Roebuck gates and you’re already planning your next tryst. Feeling nervous about being the first to text? Don’t be; let Blondie knock that right out of you.

The Zombies – ‘I Want Her, She Wants Me’

The Zombies, possibly one of the sixties’ most underrated rock bands, have made the perfect song for the moment you realise that you’re not in the dreaded Friend Zone.

Soko – ‘My Wet Dreams’

You didn’t bring anyone home, so what? You’re still entitled to have a spring in your step. Soko might say she feels “like a whore” after each dream, but she never says that’s a bad thing.

The Smiths – ‘Hand in Glove’

This kicks off with some of the most romantic lyrics you’ll ever hear, very fitting while you’re still on a high from the previous night. There’s a shift into pessimism in later verses, much like you will in the lifetime that is the wait for the return of a Facebook poke.

The Velvet Underground & Nico – ‘Femme Fatale’

Your tan is streaky, the heel is missing from one shoe and you only have half of the hair extensions that you put in before you hit the town. Nico’s cool vocal and the gentle guitar strumming will have you feeling like the femme fatale that you truly are.

The Beatles – ‘Please Please Me’

You tried your best, even broke out the freaky shit you learned from last month’s Cosmo. What did you get in return? A half slice of toast and a peck on the cheek before you left.

Dinah Washington – ‘What a Difference a Day Makes’

To change this song from the celebration of new found love it is to the anthem of regret it should be, simply change ‘Day’ to a ‘layer of makeup’, ‘eight pints’ or ‘the lighting in the smoking area’.

The Pussycat Dolls – ‘Buttons’

Your new squeeze seemed to have the best intentions in the back of the taxi but, at home, they’re frontin’ and frontin’ hard. Take comfort in the knowledge that even Nicole Scherzinger has difficulty getting her bit, once in a while.

Busted – ‘Fake’

Your partner’s poor acting ability has left you wondering if you’re as skilled as you thought you were. Don’t sweat it too much; relationships are a winter sport and you’ve got at least three months to step your game up. Transport yourself back to the simpler pop-punk days of your youth with this Busted classic.

Nancy Sinatra – ‘Sugar Town’

Your behaviour may have been slightly out of character. You don’t regret it, but feel like it might take more than one shower before you’re back to your old self. Sinatra’s candy-sweet vocals and the silly pop-typical lyrics will restore your innocence as much as a whole bottle of Imperial Leather.

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