Stop the taxi to get some taco fries with Elaine Lavery’s guide to post-pub provisions
Everyone has that one guilty pleasure. Some kind of sick food combination or something they just completely indulge in, to their shame, every now and again. Mine is a medium Pepperoni Passion Pizza from Domino’s. Each time I eat one, I promise myself never again. But this article is not interested in the topic of guilty pleasures; today our attention turns to ‘filthy’ pleasures. Yes, I am talking about those moments of greasy ecstasy that occur after a night on the razzmatazz, usually about 3am.
A quick Google revealed not one, but four Facebook pages dedicated to this filthy ritual: ‘Craving greasy food after a night out’; ‘My favourite part of a night out is the food after’; ‘I LOVE FOOD AFTER A NIGHT OUT’ and for the poor inhabitants of Hereford: ‘We need FOOD after a night out in Hereford’ – a page of petition created by the city’s inhabitants in their plight to find a fast food joint to serve the city’s deprived, starving and needy as they wander the streets by night.
Thankfully we are not so hapless in Dublin’s fair city. With chippers, Indian, Chinese and kebab establishments aplenty, we are spoilt for choice. All four corners of the globe are represented by the ‘cuisine de nuit’. However how authentic these gourmet delicacies are, I am not at liberty to comment on, since one must be gee-eyed to sample said gourmandise. No guilt, just filth.
Now, I must confess that I needed a little help in composing a list of reputable establishments for recommendation, as while I cherish memorable evenings spent in places like Chapter One and Patrick Guilbauds, somehow the restaurants I frequent on my nights out don’t make the same lasting impression. This is clearly no reflection on them; it’s I who can’t handle the booze surely…
So here’s a taster of what to expect:
What: the McDonalds of the Chinese world
Go for: chicken balls, chips and sauce
What: a legendary, proper greasy chipper
Go for: to find the friends you lost in Coppers
What: proper old school-style pizzeria
Go for: none of your fancy stone baked, thin base Italian classic topped with Parma and rocket crap
What: burgers made by Rick
Go for: orgasmic post club, pub, mass, nuclear fallout food
Other popular venues include McDonald’s, Burger King, Abrakebabra, Iskanders and the Harcourt Diner.
But a final word of warning in the words of one diner’s experience: “This is the important thing – when you think you had something amazing there the other night, never EVER, go back and see if it was a nice as you remember when you are sober. I have tried this – it does not work!”