Foil, Arms and Hog — The Internet

 
 

In this fortnight’s column, Foil, Arms and Hog are on hand to diagnose readers with the terminal internet addiction disorder and brag about the popularity of their YouTube channel

Are you an internet junkie? First of all, stop imagining a heroin addict who is computer literate, that’s not what we’re talking about here. Sure it’s a hilarious image and sure it would be funny to imagine him trying to fill out the Ryanair booking online and getting timed out because he’s goofing off in the middle. Please, this is serious; we’re talking about Irish people spending too much time on the internet.

Are you one of these people? Maybe too much Twitter is your vice. Maybe it’s making shit up and posting it up on Wikipedia? Saying things you don’t have the balls to say in person on boards.ie? Do you get off to posting classifieds on DoneDeal.ie?

Or are you one of those people who always turn YouTube comments on a random video of a dog sleeping into a racist or religious debate that ends in homophobic rants. Whatever it is, don’t worry, the internet is fucking great.

It’s kind of like when you heard David Duchovny or Russell Brand were sex addicts. “I’m sorry, I don’t understand, they’re sex addicts?” “Yes, they are addicted to sex.” “Oh, I get it, they have a penis.”

You see there is no new information in the sentence ‘David Duchovny and Russel Brand are sex addicts.’ Unless you didn’t know that they were male. So, if you think you are a special case who’s addicted to the internet, think again. We all are.

Why be ashamed? The internet is hailed as a modern day wonder of the world. Just think of its procrastination abilities. For example, have you ever found yourself thinking when you know you have to write an essay sitting back and saying, “Oh hey, I better check my Gmail one more time, just in case anything has come through in the last six seconds from when I last checked it because I was checking my Facebook updates.

“Which reminds me, it’s been a while since I checked Facebook, don’t want to miss anything, actually I’ll open it in another window in case I forget because in the meantime it’s vital I check my LinkedIn requests… Oh shit I’ve neglected my Pintrest account for way too long now, god this stuff is just so important, actually it’s probably best I watch a whole season of Breaking Bad on Netflix that way I’ll be more relaxed to do the essay in sixteen hours time.”

Sound familiar? It should, because this is human nature. If this doesn’t sound familiar, then that’s when you should be worried because you have psychological problems; or you have a dial up connection.

Anyway, since we’ve established you’ve got time to burn online, why not try our Foil Arms and Hog YouTube channel? It’s ranked 5,327,984th of top visited sites in Ireland, so you know it’s got to be good. Go on, help a brother out. The first one is always free.

Seriously though, if you can’t get enough of Foil, Arms and Hog in Otwo, why not check out our videos on YouTube, and/or join us on Facebook and Twitter @foilarmsandhog. We also have a fancy website with upcoming gigs and things at foilarmsandhog.ie

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