Film: Top 10 Non-Scary Horror Movies


With the annual damp squib of Halloween just passed, Stephen Allen takes a look at the ten most laughable horror films

Image Caption: The Wicker Man was not regarded as one of Nicholas Cage’s finer moments.

10. Santa’s Slay (2005)

What could be scarier than a wrestler playing a killer Santa? Well, fruit, the economy, Bill from accounting, pigeons and your own shadow.

9. Day of the Dead (2008)

So the sequel to the great Dawn of the Dead remake has Ving Rhames in it too? Didn’t he die? Also, it teaches us that people who are vegetarian won’t eat you when they’re zombies. What nice people.

8. The Wicker Man (2006)

Nicholas Cage running around the woods and punching women, all while dressed as a bear. Does that remind you of the original Wicker Man? Me neither.

7. Octane aka Pulse (2003)

This film features driving at its best, awkward ‘getting high’ montages and a cult leader who makes Freddie Prinze Jnr look butch. So when do the scary things happen?

6. Night of the Lepus (1972)

Giant, mutant, killer rabbits? I’m there! Oh, they’re just rabbits shot with a wide-angle lens. I want to hug every one of those vicious, fluffy, little guys (insert Holy Grail reference here).

5. Sex and the City 2 (2010)

Oh, come on! The least this movie could do is have the sense not to try to scare me with such plastic-looking monsters. At least the trailers looked terrifying.

4. Godmonster of Indian Flats (1973)

So, the Godmonster is a mutant llama/sheep thing, which is in the movie for five minutes before humans decide to kill it. Thus, we see the real monster is… man! Or a mutant llama/sheep thing.

3. Plan 9 from Outer Space (1958)

An infamous comedy that was intended to be a horror from the mind of Ed Wood. But it has aliens AND zombies, so how can it be bad? Pretty easily, it seems.

2. House of the Dead (2003)

Hero: “You did it all to be immortal. Why?” Brief pause. Villain: “To live forever (evil laugh).” Oh, Uwe Boll, just stop. Please?

1. The Happening (2008)

Help! My plant is making me depressed, get Marky Mark (of Mark Wahlberg fame) to awkwardly talk to it and, somehow, outrun the wind.