Will Ferrell’s “You’re Welcome America” – A Final Night with George W Bush
For many, Will Ferrell’s depiction of George Bush Jr. is indistinguishable from that of his Ron Burgundy. With this fact alone, I have already won this debate. But I’ll elaborate, because I wouldn’t want to rob you of the truth of its full hilarity.
In his stand-up set-long impression of George, mispronunciations and “Actual Quote” indicators abound, he struggles to bring home his arguments, and at times, becomes confused as to what his arguments really were anyway.
We also get an invaluable insight into the real politics of the White House when he introduces his cabinet (“Dick Cheney, there’s a man so charismatic he could shoot a guy in the face with a shotgun, and have that guy apologise to him… That’s some real Clint Eastwood shit right there”).
They say the best satire makes you forget that you’re not seeing the genuine article. Despite his best efforts to completely piss all over George Bush’s public image, we still want to believe we’re watching the man himself. You stay imbecilic, Washington.
George H. W. Bush – The Simpsons
Few remember the rivalry between the writers of The Simpsons and the Bush family. Jabs throughout the 90s peaked when President George H.W. Bush pictured his ideal American family as less like The Simpsons, more like The Walton’s. The Simpsons quickly responded with: “We’re just like the Walton’s, we’re praying for an end to the depression too!” Cold!
Within “Two Bad Neighbors”, rather than attack any of Bush’s policies, The Simpsons highlighted the famed deadpan and even crotchy nature of the 41st President of the US, setting up him up as an early equivalent of Frank Grimes, a real life “nerd do well” trapped in a sitcom.
*Cue necessary attack on my own bad neighbours*
I’m pretty sure Nixon is passed away, but if he was alive he still never would have even heard of his parody in Black Dynamite. As for Futurama? Laura please, you barely have a leg to stand on with that one. I have no idea what Emily went with, but she is a vegetarian, so her choice is infinitely inferior.
Disregard my grappling with the local oafs. This has been a good, but not great argument championing a good but not great president. Vote Bush, the second best President of the 1990s.
Richard Nixon – Black Dynamite
As one of the most outrageously funny films of the last decade, Black Dynamite always deserves a shout out and so too does the film’s nefarious villain, none other than President Richard Nixon himself.
Playing a foul mouthed, top notch Kung Fu master armed with presidential seal nunchaku and the derringer that John Wilkes-Booth used to assassinate Abraham Lincoln, none of the other candidates can come close to matching his absurd badassery.
This Nixon also has the distinct advantage of not only possessing his own body, but a body capable of going toe-to-toe with modern martial arts legend Michael Jai White. Check out 2009’s Blood and Bone if you want to see his amazing skills.
The only things more absurdly brilliant than Nixon’s ace combat skills are his outlandish and unfathomably evil schemes. Whether it be a plan to swamp orphanages with drugs or to co-operate with the fiendish Dr. Wu of Kung Fu Island to create the villainous, dick-shrinking ‘Anaconda Malt Liquor’, (yes you read that correctly) Nixon proves himself to be a candidate with vision, albeit an utterly depraved one.
There’s only one logical course of action: vote for Tricky Dick. Can you dig it?
Head-In-A-Jar Nixon – Futurama
When the 37th president of the United States of America appeared inside a glass jar mounted upon Bender’s robot frame, it was obvious to audiences worldwide that Richard Nixon’s disembodied head was destined for great success.
One single vote and a colossal robot body later, a political renaissance of the highest order had begun. Unlike most presidents, head-in-a-jar Nixon fulfilled each and every one of his campaign promises. Plans to “sell children’s organs to zoo’s for meat” and “go into people’s houses at night and wreck up the place” were undoubtedly executed, along with all communists.
Known to join the Robot Devil for poker nights, Nixon’s famous catchphrase, “Quick, shoot ’em in the back while they’re not looking!” has also been immortalised on the $1000 bill.
A man who is not afraid to face his past, Nixon has been known the stay at the Watergate Hotel and shout “expletive deleted!” in place of actual profanities; a show of consideration towards anyone who may be planning on blackmailing him with audiotapes.
While newer political upstarts might make grandiose promises, there’s really no greater quality in a leader than honesty. In the words of “M” D Zoidberg, “I’ll stick with the evil maniac I know, thank you.” Aroo!