Agony Anto

 
 

“Did ye mish the boash?” says the Keddyman. “No, I was off screwin’ your dawter,” says I…

Dear Anto,

I work in a Union and have honestly been a hard working man to date. The Union I work for (which I’d prefer not to mention) is good old fun, you know. I organise the auld football match here and there, and sometimes I like to stand at the Union’s reception area and ask the people who I represent what the fuck it is they want and what they thought they’d achieve by coming to me for help.
As of recently however, I may be forced out of office for either ‘incompetence’ or ‘no confidence’ – I’m not sure which ‘cos they both sound the same. Any ideas how I can save myself from getting the sack over the head and the boot out the door?

Yours,
Patrick

A’reet Paddy,
Sounds veddy familiar to me. Some time ago dis sor a ting happened to a guy I used to stall it wih. A nice chap but he made the cookie crumble a few too many times if ye catch me drif’. The bes’ ting ta do wud be to organise a campaign of some sort. Communication is key here, so ye have to be able to spell ‘campaign’.
My plan would be to launch a poster of yerself wih de wurrids “What, Else?” on it. Suddedly enough, yisser union wud come to the realisation that most udder people is over-qualified for the position, so they wud probably ask ye back. Udderwise, they’ll have yur office quickly turned into some sort of chillax area with giant bean bags or sumthin’.
Yurs,
Anto

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Dear Anto,
I went to see the Musical Society’s debut gig The Wedding Singer and can’t for the life of me get the song ‘Saturday Night in the City’ out of my bloody head! It’s killing me, man. I’m trying to study for exams and do essays and other stuff but all I can hear is that fucking song! What can I do? I swear if this keeps up I’m gonna have to tear my eardrums out with my bare hands. Help!
Yours,
Pete

Story Pete,
Tanks a fuckin’ million man. Yev just reminded me of that song and now it’s stuck in MY bloody head! I had to listen to that shit for about four fucking hours. What made it worse was the fact that it WAS a Saturdee Night in the city…
Thanks a fuckin million,
Anto

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