Agony Anto

 
 

With friends in low places, Anto knows the fookin’ score, man

Dear Anto
I’m having a few problems with my Landlord. It’s my first year living away from my parents so I’ve been making the most of it, throwing parties most nights and having all my friends over to stay. We may have gone a little overboard and a few things have gotten broken but now my landlord is saying I can’t have my deposit back! He’s being so unreasonable, what can I do to make him see sense?
Yours, Paul

AntoA’right Pauly?
I’m afraid that yur the one being unreasonable here, bud. It’s your first time away from home and you just don’t standunder how it wurricks. Everybody loses their deposit. The only thing you can do now is try to make the money back in udder areas. Try not turning on the central heating, it’s a worthless expense. Rummage around the house for some old furniture or chairs that don’t get used much and use them for fuel for the fireplace. There’s nothing the landlord can do about it – the fook has already taken your deposit. Te be honest, I’ve noticed that while they have a hungry eye on the Delph they never check how many chairs are left in the house – it catches them off guard.
The best way to get along in rented accommodation is to surrender your deposit asap; then you can relax and have some real fun. No more telling gaff guests to use coasters or not to spray paint curse words on the ceiling. This is the best thing that could have happened to yeh, trust me.
Yurz,
Anto

Dear Anto,
My roommate is absolutely disgusting, she throws her clothes all around our room, leaves dirty dishes piled up in the sink for weeks until they go mouldy, and never ever cleans the bathroom. I’ve given out about it so many times but it just doesn’t get through, what can I do to make her tidy up?
Yours, Amy

Story Ameee,
Durty roommates are the most common problems in college, and you need to tackle this head on. Gather up all her clothes and mouldy plates from around the house and dump them on her bed. Next you get five or six rolls of cling film and wrap the doorty clothes and plates to the bed. Take pictures of your creation and post them up on Facebook. She will be forced to either tidy up or move out – leaving you a nice clean house. Don’t be afraid to take a shite on her pillow either.
Cheers bud,
Anto

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