A Mixtape to Get Dumped To

 
 

When good relationships, friendships, and acquaintances go bad, Grace Duffy’s on hand with the tunes

Brand – ‘Seventy Times’
Jesse Lacey :“So you’ve slept with my girlfriend? Wonderful. Allow me to write you this charming ballad of vengeful hatred and expose to the world that the best I want from you now is to ‘choke and die’.”

Taking Back Sunday – ‘There’s No “I” In Team’
John Nolan : “So you [Lacey] wrote a bitchy song about me and played it to the world? Marvellous. Allow me to respond by saying you brought it on yourself and besides, being best friends means you ‘got what you deserved’.”

The White Stripes – ‘Blue Orchid’
Perhaps the best way to diss your ex is to deny the song is even about her. Oh, and marry the model in the video less than a month after meeting her (and roughly six months after you dumped said ex), of course.

Marilyn Manson – ‘(s)AINT’
Ah, Marilyn Manson: always a man to be relied upon for some colourful insults pertaining to his fellow celebrities. Particularly if they’ve had the misfortune to go out with the guy, as Rose McGowan was informed via lyrics such as “I’ve got an F and a C, and I’ve got a K too, and the only the thing that’s missing is a b*tch like you.”

Pink – ‘So What?’
Getting over a Failed Marriage 101: release an album entitled I’m Not Dead and headline it with a brash, irreverent piece of fun in which you tell your reprehensible ex that he’s a “tool.” The glass is always half full chez Pink.

Ashlee Simpson – ‘Boyfriend’
Way back when, before Lindsay Lohan was a lesbian/media whore/car crash, she took offence to Ashlee Simpson having the craic with her boyfriend; Ashlee in turn took offence to the accusation. The resulting musical middle finger is tongue-in-cheek; the song’s rather catchy.

Evanescence – ‘Call Me When You’re Sober’
Not one to come a begrudging second to alcohol, Amy Lee cuts Shaun “Seether” Morgan loose with a warbling tirade of self-righteous discontent. Take that, you guzzling nincompoop!

Nightwish – ‘Bye Bye Beautiful’
How best to claim you’re not obsessed with someone: deny the bazillion unrequited love songs you’ve written are about her, fire her for good measure, then write a new song to take aim at her failure to “listen to what we played”. Maybe I’m speculating, but the man’s certainly not a good loser.

Justin Timberlake – ‘Cry Me A River’
Who would have Justin Timberlake was so… deep?! Damn you, Britney Spears. He was such a romantic once.

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