This may come as a surprise, but when I’m not designing this newspaper or writing this column I don’t just go to sleep in a giant white bed and be fed directly into my mouth by trained bunnies, I also perform stand up comedy!
Right now, I’m relatively unsuccessful and obscure, which is a great position to be in because Irish people hate popular, successful people. So I’ll endear myself to them until I reach the critical mass of popularity, at which point I’ll probably be chased out of the country with pitchforks. Which is perfect, because Britain is where all the sweet comedy money is anyway. Mmm, sweet sweet nectar. Num num num. Lickedy lickedy lick.
That was weird. Sorry, I haven’t slept in a while. Anyway, I made this video recording of a show I did in the International Bar in July. That’s a clunky phrase, it wasn’t even recorded on video.
But it’s not a stand-up DVD because it’s not on DVD and I can’t say it’s a stand-up special because it won’t be on TV, or a stand-up film because it’s not good enough to be considered a film, nor was it shot on film. It was shot on a charge-coupled device (CCD) sensor. It’s a stand-up CCD, I suppose. That’s going to be tough sell.
Not that I’m selling it. I can’t afford to sell it. Not with the rising cost of blank DVDs. No, I’ve put my CCD on YouTube, so that anyone can watch it, share it and/or call it ‘faddy’. You can upload your own thumbnail on YouTube, and I must say, I was very tempted to stick ‘Conor O’Toole Of Greenhills’ on a photo of a large breasted woman and use that, seeing as that’s what most popular YouTube videos do.
I don’t understand why so many people will watch a video just because it features a low cut top. I mean for Christ’s sake, you’re already on the internet. You’re literally one second away from nudey women galore. Galore!
There is no nudity in my CCD. But there is 45 minutes of bone-crunchingly good comedy from one of the great talk show guests of tomorrow: me. Please watch it. It’s currently got enough views that it’s basically obscure.
So far, it’s no failure (less than 100 views) but it’s not a life-changing success either (greater than 900 views). It’d be nice if my stand up career took off, I’d really like to not have to bathe old, fat dogs for the rest of my life. That said, I probably won’t have to do that unless the graphic design thing dries up, but it’s still a risk, y’know?
I edited it myself, which was grim, as anyone who has ever heard a recording of themself can tell you. Turns out I say ‘eehhh’ more often than … a frequent thing. Buses, or something. God I’m tired.
I posted the film on both Reddit AND Boards. That’s how much I want people to watch it. I don’t even care which people. Even people who post hurtful comments as if I’m not right here, looking right at them.
“You gotta stop singing. Just being honest. Maybe I didn’t get the humor, because other people seemed to be laughing, but I couldn’t get past the singing.” Yeah, I know I can’t sing well; that’s why I was doing it. In fact, now I’m going to make a point of singing more. And it’s not ‘humor’, it’s ‘humour’.
So just go to conorotoole.com and watch the damn thing. And tell your friends, particularly if your friends are cool or important comedy industry executives.