The world didn’t end in 2012 which means only one thing; semester two is really going to happen. Maybe I should have thought about this before spending the entire first semester building an apocalypse bunker instead of being a good student. I actually wish I had used my time to build some sort of impressive panic room, at least then I would have something to show for all my hours of avoiding study. The only evidence from my days and weeks spent procrastinating in bed last year are the food stains on my sheets and the Netflix history on my Facebook page: “Lucy has watched 10 Things I Hate About You. Again. For the second time. Today.” Thanks Facebook! I might as well write “Save me, I’m lonely” on my face in lipstick and Instagram a million photos of myself lying in under my Christmas tree looking ironic, hashtag lol.
But apparently there’s hope. There’s hope for me, and there’s hope for you, nice reader person. It’s a new year, and therefore a new start. January is the universal clean slate for the people of the world who celebrate the New Year at this time of year. It is officially the only time when it is socially acceptable to say “I’m not drinking for the next four weeks” or to spend €60 on a sports bra while holding a Davina McCall ab-buster DVD or sit at a Dunnes cash register with an electronic cigarette hanging out of your mouth. The media shouts at us to write a list of all the things we hate about ourselves and then give us a month to strive to change them all, which inevitably ends in failure.
You see the thing people don’t tell you about fitness DVDs is that after listening to Davina McCall say the same jokes over and over as you spend your evenings doing jumping jacks alone in a dim room, the only thing you want to do is to eat and drink your way into a coma. Most resolutions end this way: in a heap of cigarette ash, vodka shots and regret on the floor of Zaytoon, as you try to order a second bucket of garlic mayonnaise at three in the morning. The only people who have successfully changed their unhealthy lifestyle, habits or activities did so on a random day on a random month that was nowhere near the pressure-centre of January 1st, and that is a fact! (Probably not a fact).
And so I have decided to do the complete opposite of what society asks as I enter the scary abyss of semester two. I am going to ignore almost everything and trust that things will work out ok. This isn’t one of those half assed attempts to ignore all my problems while I’m really secretly obsessing about them, chronicling my pain journey in an anonymous blog. I am literally going to ignore anything that I think I did wrong last year and just continue on, floating in a stream of indifference.
The key phrases I am going to use for this state of mind will be “ah, there’s always someone worse,” “I suppose we’ll have to wait and see,” and my favourite “at least none of this will matter in five years.” In five years I will be 28 and if I am still struggling to get a BA in randomly chosen subjects, all of this will definitely matter, but that is exactly the wrong attitude to have. If I have to live in a world where Ke$ha is allowed to be a successful ‘artist’ then I think that the world owes me some sort of compensation, hopefully in the form of making sure everything turns out alright. That’s all I ask!
For example, I’m almost positive that I failed a class last term. Basically I didn’t do the main essay for the module which held all the grades, so I have a slight inkling that I may not have passed. I don’t know, I might be wrong! Maybe I got some extra grades for turning up to some of the lectures and sitting at the back of the 400-people full hall downloading Hello Kitty wallpapers for my phone. Fingers crossed.
So with my newly acquired attitude I have decided to completely forget that class ever existed. When people ask me what Arts subjects I am taking I don’t even mention it. Out of sight out of mind; and other phrases that make this sound like a very clever thing to do. I am also not going to start striving for As and Bs, or put any pressure on myself at all. “Putting unhealthy pressure on yourself is the worst thing you can do in college,” you may overhear me say to water fountain friends over the next few weeks.
I am not settling for mediocre, I am sorting out my life priorities. There’s no need to write a list of all the worst things about you and then proceed to scold yourself with tree branches and diet pills. We need to all start being good to ourselves, trying to be more laid back and letting what happens happen. We need to stand naked in front of the mirror and shout “There’s people worse than me” at ourselves as we just in the air Busted-style. Everyone deserves to feel happy about themselves, well except Ke$ha. What a whore.