Looking to industrial rock greats is a sure-fire way to bag yourself a sexy mixtape. Conor O’Nolan lists tunes for those tired of typical boudoir-friendly slow jams.
Nine Inch Nails – ‘Closer’
Featuring the romantic sentiments “You let me desecrate you,” and “You let me fuck you like an animal,” this is an essential track for some slightly heavy-handed loving. Strangely, this is the only track on this list that actually features a serious ridin’ groove.
Nine Inch Nails – ‘The Great Below’
With a lyric like “I will take my place, in the great below,” this is a slow burning track to add some romance. Alas it is as clear that Trent is not so sure what he’s doing, singing “Will she come?” Learn from his mistakes and don’t be so shit in the sack.
Nine Inch Nails – ‘Hurt’
Reznor’s ode to addiction is a recipe for some unfulfilling romance you’re probably going to regret. Put the CD on and let the needle tear a hole, feel that old familiar sting, try to kill it all away, and hope you don’t remember anything.
Nine Inch Nails – ‘A Warm Place’
This beautiful and euphoric instrumental was obviously written while watching that delightful scene in American Pie. If this doesn’t get you in the mood, you probably shouldn’t have put on NIN in the bedroom.
Nine Inch Nails – ‘Ruiner’
“How’d it get so hard? How’d it get so long?”. Need I go on?
Nine Inch Nails – ‘The Great Destroyer’
Every alpha male wants a finishing move during sex, so how about crying out “I am the great destroyer!” before launching into some totally asynchronous boning? If she’s not ruined by the end of it, you’re doing it wrong. Bonus marks if each thrust is in time with the modular synth freakout.
Nine Inch Nails – ‘Capital G’
Despite what we’re told, this was definitely never intended as an anti-Bush (oh the connotations!) anthem and is clearly a song to be listened to while pleasuring those of the fairer sex.
Nine Inch Nails – ‘Fist Fuck’
Doesn’t the title say enough here? This seven-minute, totally incoherent remix of ‘Wish’ will leave you walking a bit like John Wayne if you make it to the end.
Nine Inch Nails – ‘With Teeth’
The obvious way to spice up any bedroom encounter is a few slow chomps. That trudging low-end drone you hear is the obvious sonic representation of “Nom nom nom.”
Nine Inch Nails – ‘Something I Can Never Have’
Are you one of the unfortunate souls known as members of the Sci-Fi society? This is the yearning, desolate, and most importantly, incredibly creepy soundtrack for you to listen to while you leer in windows at someone actually getting laid.
Nine Inch Nails – ‘Into the Void’
This incredibly dirty slab of industrial funk is ideal for your long-awaited first journey into the unknown. Make sure to bring protection.
Nine Inch Nails – ‘Head like a Hole’
Hearing Reznor inform us that we’re going to get what we deserve, it’s difficult to tell if it’s dirty talk or a violent threat. The sound bet is that it’s both.