Fatal Fourway – Worst Villain Played by Alan Rickman

 
 

Dermot – Hans Gruber in Die Hard

There is no denying Alan Rickman’s level of awesomeness is unparalleled. It is his general superiority over you and everyone else that has allowed him to portray of some of the best on-screen villains ever. But I think we can all agree that of all Alan Rickmans’s villains, the best is, of course, none other than Die Hard’s Hans Gruber.

Gruber had masterminded the perfect plan to steal bearer bonds from the vault of the Nakatomi Corporation before Bruce Willis’ John McClane yippy-ki-ayed himself in the way to put a damper on proceedings. Despite that the Grubes really has the all the admirable qualities of a great villain. He is calm (when you don’t have his detonators), calculating, and appreciates a fine suit.

When certain people are uncooperative with his efficient plan he has no trouble dispatching them without hesitation. After executing the President of the Nakatomi Corporation, Mr. Tagaki, he dryly delivers the most cutting – if not the most villainous – line in cinematic history, “[Mr. Tagaki] will not be joining us for the rest of his life.” Cue mass hysteria. Only a villain with the slick style of The Grubester could cause that much panic with such a delightfully evil quip.

Vote Grubesy for the win!

Aoife – Severus Snape, Harry Potter 1-7i

There is no arguing that Alan Rickman is probably the greatest man in existence. There’s no way you’re not totally in love with his voice, don’t even try to deny it, and really, let’s face it; we all loved to hate Snape in the books. Do not speak of the last book, you loved to hate him, forget what you know.

Sure, he’s played other villains, and indeed, other characters, but nobody cares what happens outside of Harry Potter, not really. He’s the creepiest man, with the greasiest hair, and both are essentials for any good villain. Probably.

Sure Bellatrix Lestrange or Malfoy are more worthy villains and much hotter in the films, but neither were played by Alan Rickman, and presumably for that reason, they fall into the latter category, but I digress. Rickman was the only person to know from the beginning, aside from J.K. Rowling, what Snape’s fate would be at the end of the books, and he played the part in the resulting films to perfection, sneering and exuding malice in his every movement. He is the meanest man there ever was.

Mostly though, he killed Dumbledore. Forget his motivations, it happened, and you cried. Yeah, you did. It’s Dumbledore. Who kills Dumbledore? What a dick.

Jon – Éamon de Valera

As anyone who has seen the film Michael Collins in Junior Cert history will know, Dev was a scheming, power-mad bastard who single-handedly started the Civil War, because he was jealous of Micheal Collin’s bad-boy attitude, and the fact he was banging Julia Roberts. Ah, history.

Yes, our Pater Patriae was a dastardly little shit with the dress sense of Mr Ben and fewer social skills than your average SU electoral candidate. Time was, you could hang on to the coat tails of a revolutionary hero like Liam Neeson, start a civil war, murder the lovable protaganist, and still stay in office for half a century. That’s the public sector for you.

So what makes Dev the best (or indeed worst) villain who happened to be played by Alan Rickman? Well, rumour has it that should Éamon de Valera have won that coveted seventeenth term in office, he would have instituted a ban on kittens, invaded Canada again, and introduced a mandatory civil uniform of vampire capes.

Still not convinced? Historians agree that 1916 could have been a smashing success, had Dev not gotten distracted knicking tins of biscuits from the Jacob’s factory. Once again, Dev let down the team with his wild preoccupation with cream crackers. Bane of our nation, that. Vote Dev!

George – That guy in Love, Actually

Ha ha! Supremacy once more and I am honoured to be your victor. Being victorious is one of my favourite things, but every great champion needs an arch nemesis. And frankly, Aoife, Dermot and Jon aren’t quite as nefarious as required; they aren’t up to the challenge of rivalling my greatness, but Alan Rickman is, and he is a bad, bad man.

Revered throughout cinema for his ability to personify many fearful abstractions – the threat of eastern European communists, proto-Fianna Fáilers, and misunderstood wizards – Alan Rickman is one of the best bad guys going, but to see Rickman at his very worst you should just watch Love, Actually.

In Richard Curtis’ dire romance anthology, the Rickmeister (as I call him, in my dreams) plays some guy who is middle-aged, awkward and distant from his equally middle-aged, bumbling and repressed wife, played by Emma Thompson.

The pair seem set for a boring descent towards retirement and free bus passes until one fateful Christmas when Alan cheats on Emma. What a dick, right? That’s not all though. Instead of the necklace Emma thought she was getting, Alan gifts her a Joni Mitchell album. He’s pure evil, that man. Oh, the character’s name was Harry. Cunt.

Advertisements