In the very last Fatal Fourway of the year, the Foursome battle it out to settle the great debate, once and for all – of all this year’s winning entries, what was the best of the best?
Dermot O’Rourke – Arrested Development
After my shocking landslide victory in the penultimate round that can only be described as “a shocking landslide victory” this is how the things look going into the final Fatal Fourway round:
Despite thinking Mean Girls could count as a Western, calling Graham Linehan “lame” in the Graham Linehan round and still really liking heroin, Aoife is on top and seemingly most in tune with the TV preferences of the college, although it’s probably more likely that she’s just the nicest and has the most friends.
However, none of that will matter for this one, because Arrested Development is not only the best show I have written about this year, but one of the greatest TV shows of all time. With one of the smartest scripts ever committed to TV, the biggest range of ingenious characters, and moments from GOB such as “BEES?! BEADS?! We’ll see who brings in more honey,” you really can’t go wrong. The best part about it is that it’s making a return in 2013 with a new series and a movie. To say I am anticipating this would be the understatement of the year. Get on board!
George Morahan – The Wire
So lads, we’ve come to the end. It’s been traumatic, and as the Foursome’s perennial loser I can only say it’s a relief. I’ve made some unpopular choices and been on the end of some truly brutal defeats, but I’ve staggered on. Granted, it’s not too much of an effort on my part to write 200 words every fortnight, but my demise is usually a foregone conclusion.
I must cling dearly to my rare victories, and with The Wire I certainly have a good one. However, even as I write this, I know it will lose in the polls, but sure, The Wire is used to such treatment. Even the series’ creator, David Simon, has recently called The Wire‘s fanbase “wearying”, saying that he now treats those who apply endless streams of superlatives to his magnum opus with “amused contempt”.
It’s a great show, and the ratio of ink spilled about it to the amount of people who have watched it is gratuitously in favour of the former. I’m sorry for adding further column inches to the anthology of Wire fandom, but I had only one other option, and quite frankly I prefer The Wire to How I Met Your Mother in every way imaginable.
So, I shall go down in a blaze of glory and with my dignity intact like Snoop, rather than be blindsided like Omar. “How my hair look, Mike?”
Jon Hozier-Byrne – Firefly
How time has passed – twelve issues in, and thirteen fourways later (including the obviously rigged Christmas special), and the scores are insanely close. Aoife is just half a win ahead of me, and Dermot half a win behind, with George trailing all the way back in Loserberg. A good solid win would have me rocking on top of the board at the end of the competition, so let’s make this last Fourway a good one.
We all know why Firefly is great. It’s written and directed by Joss Whedon. It was cancelled long before its time. It has such a devoted fanbase that it broke the studio model and got a feature-length sequel made and released. It’s a show about space cowboys.
So, rather than reiterate the merits of my personal favourite show ever, I will try to convey how important it is that Aoife doesn’t win, in the hope that all you charitable people will get on Facebook and vote for Firefly.
You remember when the UCD Ball was cancelled last year? That was Aoife. That Samantha Brick article in the Daily Mail? Aoife, albeit under an assumed name. Kony? All Aoife. Aim to misbehave – don’t let her win.
Aoife Valentine – Up
For most of the year I have been subject to my floating half-head being placed on the far right of the page almost every issue, despite my relentless complaints about it. More importantly than that, I’ve been subject to constant ridicule for my Fourway choices, for my complete lack of cultural awareness, and for once saying Graham Linehan was ‘lame’. Despite all of that, according to Dermot’s lovely table, I have defeated you all, with my wit, charm, and amazing knack for convincing people that the shit I watch is definitely the best option. That or I’m actually more culturally aware than any of you truly are, which is, in all fairness, the most likely possibility.
Linehan aside, running with any of my previous choices would almost definitely guarantee me yet another win, but only one stands out as being the obvious choice – Up. It is not only the greatest Pixar film of all time, but also a film that makes you the happiest human being, even though you’re crying like a baby. Whether you fall in love with Doug because he’s hiding under your porch, or the old man because he’s old and grumpy but actually a softie, or Russell because he just wants explorer badges and a friend, you’ve fallen in love and there will be no other choice for you. It may only like you temporarily, and you may smell like prunes, but SQUIRREL!