Couples Therapy

 
 

Our resident love god, Doctor McSeamy, tackles all your relationship woes

Dear Doctor,

I am facing a huge problem. My younger brother and I are going on a ski trip with his best friend next week, and I have always felt there was some sexual tension between his friend and I. Lately, my brother has copped on to this, and he won’t even let us stand in the same room because he’s afraid something will happen.

My friends tell me that I should just go for it, even though he’s four years younger than me (I’m 22 and he’s 18), and my brother will just have to live with it. I know he feels the same way too, so is it really wrong that we fool around? I’m still hesitant about doing something behind my brother’s back. Any advice?

Elena

~

Dear Elena,
This is a no-brainer, honestly. You really need to keep it in you lady pants.

I’ll start by describing the oldest and most sacred of codes between men. Older than the Bible. Older than rocks. Older than your mom. It is called the Bro Code, and it reigns supreme. In this case, it’s very clearly stated: thou shall not engage sexually with thy brother’s kin. This includes mothers, sisters and brothers (if said brother is gay) – though, of course, special caveats exist for stepmoms. So in short, in your case your brother’s friend shouldn’t ever come near you, even if you were butt-naked and covered in cheese. Mmm-mmm.

But there is another dimension to this problem, and that’s the fact that this guy is 18. Every guy knows that a man, at 18, will hump anything. A tree swaying in the wind? Fair game. And so, being older and more mature, the onus is on you to make sure his hoo-ha doesn’t meet your bajingo. This isn’t a condemnation of his age or yours – in fact I’d encourage more women to reach out and touch the youth. But the excuse that he is as into you as you are into him is bogus – he’s into anything with breasts. Having a pulse is a bonus.

So the point is that you can’t aid and abet this young man’s attempted breach of the Bro Code. He really can’t help himself, and so you have to exercise some self-control, and find some other young buck instead – I mean honestly, there is no shortage of 18-year-olds trying to get their hump on. You really do need to think about the wider implications of your actions – and coming from me, that’s quite a statement.

Consider the fact that these two boys are best friends, and you’re just trying to get your jollies. Obviously your brother feels uncomfortable with you guys bumping uglies, and if you go through with it you might ruin their relationship. This is why the bro code exists – to maintain friendships among bros. Plus, don’t you have any respect for your brother? The way I see it, this is all entirely selfish.

So is it worth trading one night of debauchery for your brother’s friendship, and his happiness?

Of course, if you’re going to do it, keep it secret – make sure your brother doesn’t find out. And make it worthwhile as well, because eventually, he probably will.

Hope this helps,

The Doc

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