Fantasy Football #12: Highs and lows

 
 

Depression has officially set in. I’m known around the office for my hypochondria. I had a deep vein thrombosis one week, ectopic pregnancy another and then a perforated ulcer. However, my crippling depression at the state of the Badger’s Mini League is not some manifestation of my being attention starved. It’s real and making me want to cry.

I arrived back in the office, sweaty and red-faced, after a couple of hours energetically (lazily) distributing Issue 11 in the rain with Catriona. What awaited me on my lovely News Mac was a print out of the league. I am now not even fourth. I’m sixth. Behind Stade Parfail. I didn’t think I could even sink this low. Sixth? I didn’t even know that this position existed from my lofty heights. It’s true though, Team News have sunk lower than ever before. Depression has taken hold, but I swear that this isn’t the end!

He poses for Team News now

Rooney is out for four weeks, and because I’m ruthless, he’s been swiftly cut. I have no mercy, despite all he’s done for me. I’m sixth. Desperate measures must be taken. I have drafted in Didier Drogba and he has the distinction of being the first player in a long time that I haven’t had to Google Images because I already knew who he was. He’s been put as my captain for the time being, but we’ll see how this week goes.

I wanted to sell Dunne, but Killian convinced me that he’d just had a bad week. I’ve decided to trust him, but if I see minus points by his name again, he’s dead to me. Fabregas, or Bridget’s Toby Flood as I have now christened him, will always be a member of Team News, even if someone snaps his leg off mid-match. I must also say that Craddock has been exceptional for someone I just bought as filler. Similarly, Pienaar has been amazing for someone that I chose solely because I thought their name was funky.

Team News will be back on top, mark my words. I will not be receiving a wooden spoon. I’m too awesome for that sort of carry on and so are my team.

As a quick aside, my fellow Fantasy Girl and rugby fanatic Catriona was forced to hang up her scrum cap this week as

Craddock has truly been my port in the storm

the Six Nations ended. Her blog has been wonderful and hilarious. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed it. But, fear not! Fantasy Girls never say die! I have asked her to continue to blog, just on her own fantasy football team, the Fun Laoghaire Pirates. She’s been a great colleague, writing partner and boss throughout the year, so I couldn’t very well let her go homeless. So, now I say, go Team News and Fun Laoghaire Pirates!

In other and better news, Fantasy Girls has been shortlisted by the lovely people at Oxygen for Blog of the Year at the Student Media Awards. Fingers crossed, because then we’ll have truly beaten the boys!

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