@lindsaylohan going to a meeting for a film i’m producing and possibly starring/co-starring in* talk to everyone later xoxo

This tweet was on March 30^th. So here’s hoping that Lilo is in some alternate dimension where she’s two days ahead of everyone else on teh planet and this is an April Fools. God knows we don’t need another film with her in it. Go, be free Lohan – Mean Girls is enough of a contribution to the world.

@daraobriain Ugh. Some one has just sent me slashfic porn of me and @MrEdByrne. my eyes! my eyes! Why did they have to look?

There are those who think Ed Byrne and Dara O’Briain are sexy, funny men – but mother of divine jaysus, what sick mind would come up with such a pairing? My brain is diseased just thinking about it.

@MrEdByrne I hate you all. You’re all dicks.

Obviously Ed has read the slashfic porn too.

@ladygaga What mayhem in Melbourne tonight. Some kids just understand what it means live your eyeliner, breathe your lipstick, and kill for eachother.

Perhaps that jail stint in the Telephone video isn’t too far from reality. However, breathing ones lipstick would result in some fairly serious choking episodes methinks. Safety first, Gaga. Safety first.

@sesamestreet Cookie Monster: Uh-oh. Sugar rush kicking in. ME GOING GRAZY! ME GOING CRAZY! ME GOING CRAZY!

Now that Sesame Street is no longer gracing our terrestrial TV screens, it’s good to get a daily dose of muppetry from Twitter instead. Hate to say it Cookie Monster, but we could have told you about the sugar rush.

@boscosbox God I never told you, I really like Jedward, do you think I could do my hair like theirs?

Two Irish legends unite. Bosco… and Jedward. Leaving aside the horrific image of lovely little Bosco with Jedward hair, it’s awesome that everyone’s favourite box-dweller is now on Twitter. Get your daily dose of “Hello boys and girls” here.

The Room

Why bother paying a tenner to see a decent film when you can sit in the comfort of your living room and snark at a really, really terrible one? “American” director and actor Tommy Wiseau is the perpetrator of The Room, a crime against acting and cinematography. YouTube it, and prepare for “I DID NAAAAAAAAAAT” to be your new catchphrase.

Observia

Dum dum di da  dum dum di dum dum… Observia! That’s how the national anthem of Observia – a new independent state deep in the heart of Student Centre territory – goes. We’ve finally declared independence from the tyrannical Students’ Union, hurrah! But we’re still a welfare state, of course, since we have no weather and our only natural resource is snark.

Tenors

It’s a restaurant where all the main courses cost a tenner! See what they did there? With the punning? Yes. Not only is it a lovely, spacious restaurant in nearby Donnybrook, but the food is delicious and only a tenner. Go, eat, come home without that horrible I-shouldn’t-be-eating-out-in-a-recession guilt.

RIP Bebo

Yes, it’s where we all cut our social networking teeth; but have you looked at it lately? It’s a graveyard littered with embarrassing old photos, flashing backgrounds, ‘luv’; and home to the functionally illiterate. Burn it. Burn it to the ground. And let’s work on making sure Facebook doesn’t make the same mistakes.

~

Not

SalsaSnack.com

The disclaimer says “do NOT watch this video if you are under 18”. We’d amend that to do not watch this video if you have eyes. Especially if you have eyes and you’ve just had lunch. It’s the new Two Girls One Cup, and we at otwo are simply baffled as to why people continue to make this shit. Pun very much intended.

Non-nominations

We wuz robbed. The Observer’s fantastical Fantasy Girls have not been nominated for a Student Media Award in the blogging category. Infamy! Blasphemy! Fix! No fairsies! Clearly our ditzy, girlish, sometimes drunken ramblings about things we don’t know an awful lot about are more deserving of Smedia glory than well-thought-out posts about serious stuff, and stuff. Boo-urns.

Ads on YouTube

The most annoying thing on the internet since RickRolling, YouTube channels are now showing non-skippable ads in front of certain videos. Why, YouTube, why? The reason we look things up there is so we can skip the boring bits and get straight to the good stuff – not look at ads for products that aren’t even available in Ireland. Sort it out.

Issue 12

And now, the end is near, and so we face the final curtain… sniffle, sob and crysies, Volume 16 is coming to a close. No longer will this writer be able to dispense the wisdom of what is hot and what is not to eager ears, shaping the coolness of a future generation. And no longer will this writer receive snarky texts, emails and glares from the editorial team when articles are many, many days late.

@RobbieSavage8 Got up this morning to diarea all over kitchen f…ing dog !! Mrs left it for me to clean up very crafty !

Ah, the life of an international sports personality of some description. This (apparently) famous football player (or something) has to clean up his dog’s shit. That’s funny, because he’s rich and famous and we are not. Ha!

@johncmayer I believe the US mint has changed the look of currency to prevent time travelers from smuggling cash into the past.

It’s hard to know when singer John Mayer (remember that song Your Body is a Wonderland? No? Thought not) is attempting to be funny or is just plain retarded. I think this particular tweet is a mix of both.

@spencerpratt If I get Free of my ego we ALL get free of OUR ego! Because: We’re ALL the same being and that’s the problem – we can only move together

Ego… pratt… being free of him… too many puns to calculate. Here’s the gist of whatever pun combo I could use: Spencer Pratt is also an actual prat, and he has a massive ego, so it’s funny that he’s telling us to be free of our egos. Geddit?

@justinbieber CHUCK NORRIS could cut this excitement with a knife…LESS THAN 1 HOUR until MY WORLD 2.0!!

Peter Beale, I mean… Justin Bieber completely fails to grasp the concept of a Chuck Norris joke while promoting his new album. Chuck Norris wouldn’t need a knife, you see. Because he’s Chuck Norris.

@iamdiddy Yall know sean is a irish name!!!! I’m a honorary irishman!!!! Happy st. Patty s day!

This tweet is so full of fail that it’s hard to know where to begin. Paddy, not Patty. Also, most Irish people are literate. So you’ve got some catching up to do, Diddums.

Trolololololo man
This month’s superstar is Trolololololo man (YouTube it) – a singer from the 70s who manages to sing a mesmerising song, without words, or moving his lips. You won’t be able to stop watching, or bursting into trolololo song in the shower, on the bus, and anytime there’s an awkward silence. Trolololo man for UCD Ball 2010!

The return of Glee
It’s been a long, hard wait for us true Gleevotees. Ever since the mid-season break of the US showings of Glee, we’ve had to put up with everyone else catching on months late, pretending to love it as much as we do, mis-quoting Sue Sylvester and generally being annoying while we wait for new episodes. But next week, on April 13, we finally get to see what happens next – will Emma leave anyway? Will Finn forgive Quin? Will Sue continue to be as awesomely hilarious as she was before? Judging by her ‘Sneaky Gays’ Sue’s Corner promo, that’s one thing that seems certain.

UCD Carnival
We’re reliably informed that this year’s UCD Ball will feature a carnival. Hurrah! Fairground rides, candyfloss and general carnivalosity awaits us all on April 23. Good thing as well, it will give us something to do while we’re waiting for Jedward. JEDLY!

~

Not

Chatroulette
Ok, so we get the concept. Using Chatroulette, you can connect with strangers worldwide for chats and stuff. Interesting, yes? A fascinating insight into the mindset and cultures of others. You might meet your new best friend or your soulmate, or find out something you never knew, or dismiss some stereotypes you may have held about, for example, the Chinese. But in reality, what will happen is that you’ll see lots of random dudes wanking. And nobody really needs an insight into that.

Cheating celebs
Celeb after celeb is coming out with “shocking” stories of their “indiscretions” with cocktail waitressess, dancers, hostesses etc etc etc. Even Mark Owen – little, lovely, pure, boybandy Mark Owen – can’t manage to not sleep with some skank other than his wife. And why? Too much temptation? Sex addiction? Please. Trousers and willpower may help with this.

Academics
Assignments, exams, assignments, essays, exams, more assignments. Yeah, this is what college is actually all about but damn, it really puts a crimp in one’s social life. And you have to swap the bar for the library. Really loud chewing, really bad personal hygiene, people taking naps, people using the library as a social event, and worst of all – people with nicer laptops than you. Bastards.

Amateur Paparazzi
You know the type – always have a camera at their fingertips, ready to pounce every time you do something stupid or look vaguely rough. They incessantly take pictures on nights out, so that when you wake up in the morning you have 20 Facebook notifications of tagged pictures of you doing things you’d forgotten out of sheer shame. The amateur paparazzo has no conscience and no compassion – they merely want to make every one of their friends look as haggard as possible all over the internet. Rob Lowney, we’re looking at you.

“When I was your age, there were no gay people in public life. There were rumours that Boy George might be gay. The only gays you ever saw were on TV, getting beaten up by police.”

There’s no denying that Panti – sweetheart of the gay scene and hostess with the mostess – has a wicked sense of humour. But there’s more to this drag queen than caustic wit and devastating good looks.

Owner of Dublin’s hottest new gay bar and author of one of the most read pop culture blogs in the country, Panti’s got her perfectly manicured fingers in many pies, and it’s working. Success didn’t come overnight. As the queen herself decreed at a talk in UCD last week, 80s Ireland wasn’t a place one could make a living doing drag. After studying graphic design for something to do (“I only went to Art college because I wanted to meet gays”), the young Panti started to carve out her niche as a club promoter and all-round good time gal.

After a brief stint in Japan where she starred in TV shows and danced on stage with Cyndi Lauper, the return to Dublin was a depressing one.

“I thought to be fabulous you had to be from New York or somewhere,” she says. “I always thought I’d have to have a regular job.”

“So I started going to straight clubs in drag and making myself the centre of attention, the most fun person there. Then I told the owners that I’d come back every night if they paid me. And they did. That’s how I started earning a living as a drag queen.”

From then until now, Panti has undoubtedly earned her crown as the queen of the gay scene in Dublin. Her Perfectly Preposterous All Day Sunday Half Price Sale (and accompanying hilarious YouTube promo) has catapulted the bar into popularity, eclipsing both the George and the Dragon as the place to be, whether you’re gay, straight or just a bit slutty. While earning a living doing what she loves is a dream come true for Panti, she also yearns for the early days of the scene.

“Young gays just want to go to Dragon and drink Bacardi Breezers – that kills me. The gay scene used to have a real make and do feel about it, but money watered it down. Because the venues are all quite big and tended to be run by corporations, they were very careful or nervous about doing stuff. Everything became bigger and the stakes became higher so people weren’t willing to take chances, and everything became very bland.”

“But that’s already beginning to change because of the recession. Even just stupid stuff, like the Dragon has go-go dancers on the bar – I don’t think that would have happened four years ago because they didn’t need to make efforts and they were afraid to take chances. They wanted it to be all the fluffy pink pound, they didn’t want it to be… too gay!”

Whether the bland nature of the scene is due to lack of ambition or simple fear is impossible to tell, but it’s definitely an improvement on the bad old days when such clubs were underground by necessity. At the height of the 80s, gay activism was rife, as was Aids, something that this gay generation has little or no experience with. The establishment of the Alternative Miss Ireland contest in 1987 was an attempt to raise funds for HIV and Aids charities, and has had massive benefits other than helping those affected by the disease.

As hostess, Panti’s role in the contest marks her continuing involvement in the fight against Aids, a cause that she’s adopted from personal experience, too. “In the 80s, people were always dying,” says Panti. “Most of my friends I met because I kept seeing them at Aids funerals.  Now hardly anybody dies, so I don’t get to make new friends anymore.”

“Alternative Miss Ireland was the best thing ever to happen to the gay scene. It showed people that the scene doesn’t have to be in a basement, and it changed a lot of things. There wouldn’t be gay bars in Dublin without Alternative Miss Ireland. Of all the things I’ve done, it’s by far the thing I’m most proud of.”

Pantibar – languishing in the uncharted territory of the Northside – has gone some way to re-establishing the camaraderie and personality of the scene, says Panti. “People are generally wanting more smaller, connected spaces. I think the day of the super-pub is sort of over.” When questioned about the bar’s sudden jump to hotspot status, Panti is reluctant to crow about her own success too much. With the bar in operation for over two years now, it’s been a grower for the gays of Dublin, she says. “Like any new business, it takes a while to settle in, especially if it’s a gay venue because gays are very slow to break out of their routine. They always want to go where the most people will be.”

Having one of the most Zeitgesity blogs out there hasn’t hurt either when it comes to garnering business. For those of you caught up in the Crystal Swing hysteria currently sweeping the nation (and wondering, like most of us, where the hell it came from), you have Panti to thank. After discovering the tremendous trio on YouTube and posting to the blog, the band were shoved quite rudely into the limelight, even making an appearance on last week’s Late Late.

Having Panti as the spokesqueen for the bar has done wonders for business, because it means the company is better able to connect with people in the media they’re now most familiar with – ridiculous videos, snarky commentary and 140-character witticisms. “Having Panti as the face of the bar helps with name recognition, first of all. With things like the blog and on Facebook, it’s difficult for a company to use those technologies well, because people aren’t interested in hearing from a business – they feel like they’re only being sold to,” she says.

“People are fine with being a Facebook friend with Panti or reading the blog, because Panti is a person – a person who happens to have a bar!”

With the blog, the bar, Alternative Miss Ireland, Pride, writing and performing, Panti’s diary is very much full to bursting with… being Panti. However, the idea that making a living from drag is an impossibility is something that hasn’t dissipated with time, despite her numerous successes.

“I’ve been using the drag to make money in other ways, whether it was plays or club promotions or the bar. I think I used to until even five or ten years ago, I thought ‘surely I won’t still be in a dress when I’m 50’, but I bet you I will!”

“The reality has changed; it just became a slow recognition that actually, I don’t know how to do anything else. Like any job, sometimes it feels like a job. Sometimes the last thing I really wanna do is stick on a face full of makeup, or I’m not in the mood to be performing – but when I think about it, god, it’s such a fun way to make a living.”

Of course, with Panti being an alter-ego, having to be ‘on’ 24/7 is something that not many employees would be jealous of.  But there’s more to it than just playing a character. “Drag is an art form. It can be whatever you want it to be. Drag queens incorporate the masculine and feminine into one – and in many cultures, that’s divine. The local shaman will come to you with feathers in his hair and a limp wrist. The idea that drag is gay or modern isn’t true.”

There is an element of escapism in donning a dress and putting on the slap, however. Not only does it give you licence to let your inner hilarious bitch out, but you also get an insight into the dirty laundry of others, says Panti.

“You can say anything in drag and people don’t take offence – but people will also say anything to you because you’re already the lowest rung on the ladder; you’re a cross-dressing fag in public. People never imagine that a drag queen will judge them.” Anything, according to herself, involves stories of incest and intrigue… not to mention lost innocence.

It seems like a fine life – being who you want to be, running your own bar, saying what you like to whoever you like and getting paid for the privilege. While Panti, at the end of the day, is just another entrepreneur with an admittedly very Unique Selling Point, the element of performance can’t be ignored. Doesn’t pretending to be someone else ever get old?

“I would never want to be a Rory performer,” she says. “I have no interest in that at all. I don’t feel trapped in Panti. Anyway, Panti’s much better looking than I am. With the right lighting and Photoshop…”

@planetjedward #jedwardpic glee

OMGlee you guys it’s our two favourite things in the whole planet – J to the E to the… er, Jedward and Glee, omg so coooool. It’s dedleeee. Yeah, Jedward let’s do it!!1!eleventy.

@noelfielding11 just made an egg macmuffin for Hugh Laurie. He doesn’t know this as I have never met him. But I will be furious if he lets it go cold.

We don’t know what Noel Fielding is on… but we want some. Also an Egg McMuffin.

@taylorswift13 I just used a Sharpie as eye liner in the airplane bathroom

Classy burd that Taylor Swift. I’m real happy for you and imma let you finish, but actual eyeliner is the best eyeliner of all time. Of all time.

@realbillbailey revenge, the main ingredient in the Klingon cookbook

Bill Bailey? A nerd? Who’d have guessed.

@simonpegg Hey babe, just DMing you to let you know that I’m wearing your underwear and I killed next door’s cat with a pencil. Keep it under your hat.

Simon Pegg gets to grips with accidentally public DMs. Awkward turtle.

@phlaimeaux I’m starting the first retro search engine. Just ring me up & ask me whatever it is. If I don’t know, I’ll give you my dad’s number.

Watch out Google, David O’Doherty’s plotting to usurp your totalitarian search engine regime.

Hot:

Crystal Swing

If there’s one thing the current music scene has been missing, it’s creepily enthusiastic Irish people with weird voices – and their Ma on the keyboard. With such epic hits as “He Drinks Tequila” Crystal Swing have become an internet sensation – and rumour has it that they’re hotly tipped to headline the UCD Ball. Keep it under your hat.

Curling

Who knew fucking a big stone down some ice and chasing it with brushes is now considered a sport? Well apparently it is, and all the cool kids are now staying up til the wee hours to watch angry-looking females shout and do some fervent sweeping. There might be some rules or something, but mostly we watch so we can hear the ladies scream “HARD!”

Scally

The epitome of all Scallyness in the known universe, Scally is one hot piece of ass. Not only does he make good photos, his series of whiteboard sketches of the incumbent sabbatical officers (tentatively titled “The Retard Project”) will surely go down in history as one of the most important pieces of art of our generation. I heard that he runs on clockwork and thinks only in numbers.

Elements breakfasts

Everyone knows that the best time to eat breakfast is lunchtime – so thank Jebus one restaurant on campus realised this. Instead of ending breakfast at silly times like 11 and 11.30, you can get your daily bacon allowance right up until 12.25 in the bowels of the Science building. And they won’t charge you an extra euro for a burnt-but-somehow-still-at-room-temperature hash brown.

Not:

Oxegen lineup

Thank fuck for Electric Picnic is all I’ll say. I can’t think of a more torturous way to waste 200 quid than spending it on a weekend where I’ll have to sleep in mud/beer soup while having my tent peed on. Not to mention the fact that the likelihood of stabbing-by-angry-Eminem-fan is quite high. No thank you, MCD.

Lent

Anyone else find it bizarre that the same people who’d laugh loudly at the idea of going to Mass outside of Easter and Christmas take fervently to the Lenten sacrifice like zealots on a pilgrimage? Here’s an insider tip – you don’t need God’s permission to go off chocolate, beer, takeaways, or porn. And in this failing economy, we can’t really afford to either.

Rappers & Slappers

As if the women of UCD needed an excuse to go out dressed as slappers, never mind further encouragement. Aside from the logistical nightmare of the thing, the lack of originality or shame is astounding. Even the posters conjure up an image of randy teenagers rubbing their thighs in glee at their clever ploy to see naked women. They might as well have called it “Show Us Your Tits”.

Not Washing

Perhaps it’s just the Student Centre, but there’s been an alarming increase in the amount of people who simply do not wash. When did this become acceptable? Has a cool new trend just passed us by? Perhaps the number of dirty stopouts is vastly on the increase? We don’t know. All we know is that we’re tired of sharing office space with people who smell like vodka and shame.

Hot:

Seachtain na Gaeilge
Wasn’t that awesome? Free entry into clubs, The Coronas playing on campus, a hypnotist, balloons, Spin in the student centre, tea and sandwiches and talking lots and lots of lovely Gaeilge – and not a peep out of that fuppin eejit Hector O’Hockacjhahshdn. Ciúnas bother cailín bainne… an dtuigeann tu?

B&L Ball
A refreshing change from the usual drink-fuelled disasters plonked in whatever skeezy Dublin hotel will take a crew of sozzled students, this year’s B&L Ball is set in the swanky surroundings of the Mount Wolseley Hotel in Tullow, Co Carlow. Kudos to the committee for organising such a night of luxury for the bargain price of €70. Tickets are on sale now, get em while they’re hot.

Six Nations
Yay for rugby! The staff at the Observer have been overcome with rugby fever, and let’s face it, who can resist? There’s something for everyone during Six Nations season –whether it’s the actual rugby, the opportunity to spend every weekend in the pub, the patriotism we so seldom get to express, or simply hot burly men in shorts. Better than Christmas, we reckon. Come on Ireland!

Pancakes
Why can’t every Tuesday be pancake Tuesday? These flat, eggy treats are the height of deliciousness and we only get to stuff ourselves with them one day a year. Head on down to Cafe Brava today to get your sticky little paws on some pancakes, then lounge about on the sofas after; holding your belly and groaning as you see who ate the most. I think I’ll have ten.

Not:

Pokerface as Gaeilge
The one aberration that Seachtain na Gaeilge brought upon us was this travesty against music, and the genius that is the GaGa. Ensconced in the Student Centre, the Spin 103.8 minis and their crew of “DJs” subjected us to an all-Irish version of Lady Gaga’s musical masterpiece, Pokerface. It was about caliní, or something – all we know is that it made us want to stab ourselves in the eyeballs with broken biros.

Ridiculous iPhone Apps
Seeing as everyone who’s anyone has an iPhone these days, it was only inevitable that there’d be a flood of useful and not-so-useful apps to clog it up with. We can get on board with things like ‘Camera Flash’ and ‘Flashlight’ and ‘Alarm Clock’, ineffective and superfluous as they are – but c’mon, How to Kiss? iBeer Special? I don’t want to ‘brew and drink beer on my iPhone’, also, it’s actually not possible. Don’t even get me started on iPee Drunk.

Lost
No, YOU get Lost. For serious. Being one of those (normal, sane) people who gave up on this plane crash of a programme – see what I did there? – around series three or so, I was horrified to see that the plot has become even more retarded since I last watched it. Apparently they’re all going back to the island, but also BACK IN TIME. Fuck off, like. I simply don’t have the brainpower or the inclination to understand such messing.

Facebook
Not just the endless procession of “new” layouts, which are being rolled out in such quick succession that we’re feeling quite dizzy – but the fact that memes and applications are creeping into our status updates now. If I wanted all that shite I’d still be on Bebo. If anyone’s looking for me, I’ll be on Twitter.

@frankenteen Just recorded a guest spot for THE SIMPSONS. One of the best moments of my life thus far

Finn from Glee aka Cory Monteith aka Frankenteen reaches the highest pinnacle of fame – being on The Simpsons. And not before time, too. This little nugget of info made Gleeks worldwide wee in their pants a bit.

@alandavies1 Please stop retweeting Alan Davies to me. I hate Alan Davies. If I see Alan Davies, I will punch Alan Davies.

The ever-able-to-laugh-at-himself Alan Davies shows the hataz what’s what by retweeting a nasty message about himself. That’ll show him, eh? About as effectively as sticking your tongue out behind someone’s back.

@ghook Chinese ood has arrived at Croke Park

Who knew Hooky was a Doctor Who fan? Or maybe Croker was really being invaded by a fictional alien species with tentacle faces and telepathic abilities… and slanty eyes…

@tyrabanks when i toured Google HQ. Went 2 their TGIF party. Was in room w/sum of the worlds smartest peeps

Makes a change from being in a room with ‘sum of the worlds’ most mentally challenged wannabe models… and Janice Dickinson.

@dianainheaven Anna Nicole just gave a slurred speech about staying true to herself. Then she injected some horse tranquilisers into her eyeball.

Looking for a highly offensive yet hilarious faux-celebrity Twitter to brighten up your day? Look no further than Diana in Heaven. The Queen of Hearts lives on in a really inappropriate manner. We lolled.

Hot

Cat Face
From the people who brought you the Badger Badger Badger song and that really irritating 118-24-7 directory heaven jingle on the telly comes the comic genius that is Cat Face. He’s got the body of a cat and the face of a cat… and he is rather hilarious. Watch all 18 episodes at weebls-stuff.com for some genuine belly laughs. Silly Cat Face.

That’s why I chose Yale
The all-singing, all-dancing promotional video for Yale University has made all at the University Observer want to choose Yale – but we’re pretty sure that the song is the best thing about the place. Why doesn’t stuff like this happen in UCD? Have a goo on YouTube.

Giddy Goose
This Dun Laoghaire cafe is a new face in the village, and one that will be sticking around if first impressions are anything to go by. Go visit, have a delicious fry, be spoiled by the über-friendly staff then walk it off on the pier. Good times.

Fred “Spar Ad” Cooke
Despite us labelling him “Spar Ad”, and forgetting he went to UCD while giving comedy compatriot Jarlath Regan a namecheck as an alumnus, he still gave us the good biscuits at last week’s Comedy Mish Mash. What a legend.

Not:

Peanut Butter M&Ms
Addictive little bites of deliciousness, all the way from New York New York. Oh cruel fate, why did you bring these drops of heaven into our lives simply to snatch them away again? We’ll cry into the empty wrappers until M&Ms decide to sell them here, or someone goes to the USA again… whichever happens first.

Sporcle
Destroyer of motivation and all time, Sporcle.com has taken over our lives like a nasty rash that feels really great to scratch. With quizzes like ‘name the annoyingly familiar corporate symbol’ and ‘who was that guy, you know the guy, in Friends, with the hair?’, you’ll be tearing your hair out gleefully for hours on end. Disclaimer: quiz names may not be accurate.

Sabbatical nominations
Come one, come all, the circus is back in town. The next cycle of Belfield’s Next Top Wannabe is has begun and once again, nobody cares. It would be ignorable if it weren’t for the endless stream of Facebook requests to join every Johnny Loser’s campaign group. Le sigh.

Foursquare
As if our online lives weren’t already infested with enough uselessness, the scourge of annoying applications has travelled over to Twitter. As far as we can gather, it’s a game about telling people where you are and stuff. Basically, Foursquare is the new Farmville. And it must be destroyed.