Michelle McCormick updates you on the celebrity inanity of the last two weeks

@RobbieSavage8 Got up this morning to diarea all over kitchen f…ing dog !! Mrs left it for me to clean up very crafty !

Ah, the life of an international sports personality of some description. This (apparently) famous football player (or something) has to clean up his dog’s shit. That’s funny, because he’s rich and famous and we are not. Ha!

@johncmayer I believe the US mint has changed the look of currency to prevent time travelers from smuggling cash into the past.

It’s hard to know when singer John Mayer (remember that song Your Body is a Wonderland? No? Thought not) is attempting to be funny or is just plain retarded. I think this particular tweet is a mix of both.

@spencerpratt If I get Free of my ego we ALL get free of OUR ego! Because: We’re ALL the same being and that’s the problem – we can only move together

Ego… pratt… being free of him… too many puns to calculate. Here’s the gist of whatever pun combo I could use: Spencer Pratt is also an actual prat, and he has a massive ego, so it’s funny that he’s telling us to be free of our egos. Geddit?

@justinbieber CHUCK NORRIS could cut this excitement with a knife…LESS THAN 1 HOUR until MY WORLD 2.0!!

Peter Beale, I mean… Justin Bieber completely fails to grasp the concept of a Chuck Norris joke while promoting his new album. Chuck Norris wouldn’t need a knife, you see. Because he’s Chuck Norris.

@iamdiddy Yall know sean is a irish name!!!! I’m a honorary irishman!!!! Happy st. Patty s day!

This tweet is so full of fail that it’s hard to know where to begin. Paddy, not Patty. Also, most Irish people are literate. So you’ve got some catching up to do, Diddums.