Oh for God’s sake.

I take back everything good I ever said about the French, which admittedly won’t take very long, but how could they do this to me? Didn’t they hear that I already have two changes to make? Didn’t they know my hopes for that last transfer spot? Didn’t they know that benching Bastareaud would kill any chances for poor Toby to rejoin the BGB? He’s bound to play now that I can’t pick him anymore.

Although...

Bastareaud can’t be that injured if he’s still on the bench anyway, so why not just start him? And who would I even replace him with – Poitrenaud? Jauzion? Palisson? I can’t believe the Six Nations is doing this to us, three changes in one week, it’s scandalous. I can’t choose a new French man, the only reason I picked Bastareaud in the first place is because he’s 1. Enormous; 2. Wounded and Mysterious; 3. Enormous.

But then, Bastareaud is only on the bench, he might still come on and score a few tries. So do I really have to change him?  And he’s on the bench so he’ll be back for England surely? But maybe I can apply that same logic to Mad Dog Moody. He’s only on the bench and not even injured so chances are good that he’ll turn out this week at some stage, and then be back for the last game.

All this drama makes me appreciate Declan Kidney even more, and the Italian guy, whatever his name is. They haven’t removed any of my Beards from their teams. I should have picked more Italians, they know how to treat their fantasy rugby followers. Of course, I’d likely be in 7th instead of 2nd, but my head wouldn’t be wrecked trying to figure out how to spell all the French names so I can look them up in Wikipedia.

I think the solution to this situation might be to just keep one or other of Moody and Bastareaud, and I’m leaning towards Bastareaud at the moment. He’ll play against Italy, and be back against England, and France are bound to beat England. No they will, I’ve worked it all out – France beat Ireland in Paris, Ireland beat England in London, England are crap so France will beat England in Paris. Simples.

But then France are playing Italy this week, so maybe I should have a full complement of starting Frenchmen. But if I get rid of Bastareaud and he comes back for England, what do I do then? I hate you Marc Lievremont, why must you be so contrary? You’re starting to nudge Martin Johnson out of that special place in my fantasy hell reserved for the most abominable people ever to have walked the earth, and Susan from Desperate Houswives.

Right I’ll keep Mathieu this week and then that way Toby Flood will get his day in the Parisian sun – I hear the bench there is lovely.