A new year, a new chance for Michelle McCormick to tell you what’s cool and what’s crap

Hot

The Sunshine Café
This little café on George’s Street, Dun Laoghaire, is truly a little ray of sunshine. Its cosy décor is the perfect antidote to the cruel sea winds – not to mention delicious coffee, nomscious desserts, and the nicest French toast this side of France. Do they just call it toast there? No matter. Go to Sunshine Café, mmkay?

Tesco Crisps
Who needs posh crisps when you can get a variety of salty/cheesy/hoopy delights for pennies in your local Tesco? Cheesy Puffs are a firm office favourite, while the Onion Rings have a delightful hint of msg about them. Perfect for drunken munching – and of course, breakfast the next day.

New Year diets
Even though we know deep inside our cholesterol-encrusted hearts that they will never, ever work; we’re pursuing our new year diets with enthusiasm here at otwo. It gives a sense of purpose to a miserable month, and a smug sense of self-satisfaction that will keep us warm while walking past the gym on the way to the pub.

Chinese on Campus
Finally and at last there’s something to eat in UCD that doesn’t involve bread or potatoes. The new Chinese menu at Café Brava in the Student Centre means no more soggy sambos or gloopy soup for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Instead? Delicious rice and meat of questionable origin. Awesome.

Not

Sludge
The bastard child of too much snow and too much grit is currently plaguing the streets of Dublin, clobbering our shoes and trouser hems in a disgusting gritty paste that refuses to shift, even after it’s dried. Bring back the snow! At least it was clean.

January Sales
Oh, so everything I bought for Christmas is now 70% off? Fuck you, shops, fuck you. If you could afford to sell it at 70% off, why did you charge me my soul plus my first born for the honour of possessing your stock?! I hate you. Kill yourselves.

The Cold
It just makes everything so much harder. You can’t go outside without being swathed in various layers of woollen and thermal garments with spare socks and a hat and earmuffs, if you’re cool enough to pull them off. Getting ready for bed is a military manoeuvre involving the piling up of blankets, bedsocks, hoodies and a hot water bottle. Effort. We should be conserving energy in the cold, not expending it…

Heckling
Seriously, person who thinks they’re funnier than the award-winning comedian that’s onstage – STFU. Nobody thinks you’re cool, or clever, or amusing – we actually think you’re a cretin. Please do the world a favour and stay indoors from now on.