No! NOOOOO! NOT ANOTHER WELCOME LETTER! NOOOO!

Don’t worry. We’re not looking to do that to you! We’re pretty sure the Students’ Union does that enough… Instead, we’ve chosen to completely ignore the fact that anything has happened at all. You’re not stupid. After all, you either made it to University or are still in University, so you bloody well know that this is a newspaper by now.

If you’re reading this, you’re probably a cheapskate who couldn’t afford the price of a real newspaper or magazine. But the otwo team are willing to let this offence made accidentally by you upon us pass for the price of merely reading what we have so dearly slaved over (watch out for the sweat marks).

Or, you could be giving this supplement a chance because you’re sick to death having to flick through twenty pages of perfume ads to get to the even remotely interesting stories that “the enemy” has to offer.

Either way, we’ll be here once a fortnight with the fashionably latest in fashion, music, film, TV and other things that we can’t seem to remember right now, even though they’re supposedly interesting.

Will we even bother to continue writing, or did we have you at hello?

Obviously not; this week will feature the bizarre world of the Guinness Records as otwo ventures to find out what really lies behind the process of natural selection into this infamous collection of freaks.

Are you a vamp or a tomboy? Well, find out for yourself as Fashion holds out the latest for both extremes. If you fancy yourself as the former, Film compiles the best of vampire movies in a collection that could scare the balls off a brass monkey.

Apparently, one in twelve of you readers will be eaten by a chair in Starbucks because the Arts Block cat, Mystic Mittens, predicts so. Gotwo takes you to the mysterious realms of Mexico, Germany and Ireland (?) in a feature completely unrelated in terms of cultural animosity.

The rest? We’ll let you figure that out for yourself, because we’re just too lazy to do all the work for you!

Oh, and welcome to UCDD.

Eoin & Colin